Students….stirring up a hornets nest

I know that this post may just fan the flames just a little, but I like everyone else, I am entitled to my opinion, if nothing else. It mostly because I have been listening to very unsympathetic one sided opinion….so here is a view that I feel not many have considered.

There are two things that sparked this post, one was a conversation that I heard at work this morning where the following words were uttered “who do they expect to pay for their education”. I was less than impressed. And the second was the opinion that I read on a news site.

Unlike many people here, I grew up in apartheid South Africa, on the wrong side of the so called white picket fence. I often hear “working class” whites say that they went to government schools, ….and I fully appreciate that life was not as comfortable for you as for your peers….but have you ever stopped and asked yourself was life better than it was for non-white South Africans. It is an absolute travesty that public schools now have forty children in a class, guess what, Indian schools back in the day had a very similar number. How many people were in your white public schools? One play field, poor sanitation facilities, broken furniture, worn text books, that was EVERY Indian school….but you know what, it was still better than our black South Africans had…NO classrooms, NO books, NO toilets. Adds a little perspective doesn’t it?

Ever asked yourself what “working class” meant for whites? A supervisor, a secretary, receptionist? Those were all jobs reserved for whites back in the day. Granted, it meant that your life was not luxurious, but it was a job that gave you the means to better yourself. How many white domestic workers or miners do we have on this platform? How many of your parents were gardeners? Any takers? No? Sure? That was working class for black South Africans. There was a meagre wage that barely covered food and transport let alone clothes. Clothes were a luxury reserved for when Holiday and leave pay was paid. Where did they find the money to provide an education? As you may or may not be aware, funding for education back in the day came at a much higher interest rate for non whites than for white South Africans, which made it nearly impossible to afford even if people wanted to.This month before you give your domestic worker her wages, have a look at the money you are handing her, and ask if you could support a family and pay for an education given the same?

I know, full well the absolute desperation for an education, it was the only escape from a cycle, and these youngsters are looking for the same. I don’t agree with the burning and the trashing and the disrespect for other people and their property but I have empathy for their plight. 6% may not seem like a lot for those with even middle class jobs, but for the genuine working class of this country, it is the difference between a better life or remaining in this cycle for another generation. 6% is the difference between a student loan and no funding. 6% is the difference between a promise of a better future or scratching out a meagre existence. The vast majority of all students have to pay through loans for their own fees….let’s bear that in mind.

Until you have walked in those shoes, or faced those challenges, don’t judge. As a white person in South Africa, you think that you understand discrimination, but you will probably never understand the evil of apartheid unless you have lived through it. It was a system that was designed to cripple an entire race of people, not just for a generation but for all those that followed. And whilst I agree, that the corruption in the present administration has not helped the plight of the students, they are not to blame for the situation that they find themselves in….listen to the message not necessarily the manner in which it is coming across. To deny an education, is to deny the betterment of not only that person, but every generation that they will be empowered to help. Ponder that for just moment, before you back to berating people for wanting a better life than the one they find themselves in….one you could not possibly imagine.

My Beloved Father 1936 – 2015 Rest in Peace

There is such a finality in Death. Today I honour an AMAZING human being, who I had the privilege of calling My Father.

There is always a remarkable bond between a father and his daughter – and it was no different for me. I adore him – for the humble, respectful gentle soul that he was. We did not grow up with much, but we were also not short of the essentials. My father provided for us all – more than we could ask for and certainly more than we sometimes deserved. He had a special place for each child in the family and took time to create special memories with each and every one of them.

But most of all – I am grateful for the time he had with my son. My son took his mind of pining for a son my father had not seen for years – and in return, my son was showered with love and knowledge. It was my father that in his gentle way allowed my son to develop his own little persona. There bond was so deep that my little one would tell everyone he could that my father was his best friend – now that is something special.

I can’t begin to express the fond memories that we have over the years.I have lost the only man who ever really loved me. All that was sacrificed – all that was given and I really do feel that I failed him at the end. I could have and should have done more. It is too late now – I can only hope that you forgive me. You were more than the father I deserved – and I am so grateful to have had you in my life. I miss you terribly – and I can only hope that you are at peace now. I am glad that you did not suffer any indignity – and I am happy and sad that the last person you called for was me. I love you so very much….

Until we meet again – Go well. May you soul find eternal peace.

Ever wonder….

Do you ever wonder what it would feel like…..to love yourself as much as you would your soul mate. Unconditional, unreserved love? Ever wonder what it would be like to forgive your own discretions as easily as you forgive others? Ever wonder if life would be easier if you could accept the best effort from yourself as enough? Do you ever wonder if that’s even possible? Do you ever wonder if things would be a little simpler if you could see yourself as human….the same species as everyone else….

I wonder if I will ever really know…..

How it feels to be loved…..

This weekend I had the privilege to attend my cousin’s wedding….done in the typical three day Tamil tradition, much colour and fanfare. These are two people that love each so dearly, that you can see it in the way they look at each other….the kind of love that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But that is not what this post is about…

On Friday night was the pre-wedding rituals and I was dressed in a saree. My son was so clingy, not like he normally is, and I couldn’t quite understand it. I put it down to the crowd, he normally gets a little claustrophobic when there are lot of people, especially when it is people that he doesn’t know.I can’t blame him really, because I feel the same way. But when he did the same thing on Saturday, I had to ask why….and the reaction completely took my breath away.

He turned to me with absolute endearment and said “because you look so pretty, I don’t want to share you with anyone else.” What do you say to that???? I have no felt more beautiful in my entire life as I did at that moment. I love that little boy so much…more than I ever, ever imagined I could love anyone. I have a lump in my throat typing this….to think that next year he starts Grade 1….where have the years gone???? And why did you have to grow up so quickly….

This little boy is the affirmation, that I have done a lot right…..and I am so grateful for his presence in my life…

Lest we Forget

There are so many lessons that can be taken from the two World Wars, so many things that could be learnt, but first they must be taught and then they must be remembered. The brave young men and women that served with courage have all but faded into time, those that are still with us are few and far between. But it should never come to be that their sacrifices, their bravery and their courage ever be allowed to be forgotten. The world as we know it, the landscapes, the children would look very different were it not for them.

This is a salute to the men and women of that generation….for the sacrifices of the greater good…..for the love of humanity…..let history never repeat itself, and let these people forever be remembered…..

Perspective….

When I was growing up, I always thought that learning was done in a classroom, sitting behind a desk. Never did I realize that I could not have been more wrong….lessons present themselves all around us and oddly enough from the sources that we least expect. Once again I have received the affirmation that life gives us everything that we need and often when we least expect it.

The truth is when I was growing up, I really did believe that I could change the world. And then life happened…and I got so caught up in my own challenges and survival that I completely lost sight of that….then I had an interesting encounter. There is a sense of confinement that come with responsibilities…that is life, we have bills to pay, we have things that need to be done, deadlines to be met and the list goes on.

I was having a chat the other day with a person that suddenly appeared albeit somewhat “virtually” in my life. A recovering drug addict, a person who was not so long ago homeless, and had attempted suicide EIGHT times. And never in my life have I met anyone with more clarity. It was almost overwhelming. He is now gainfully employed  – a specialist in his field, who by his own admission works to live and not lives to work. He volunteers at a homeless shelter and drug rehabilitation facilities…and he really is a truly remarkable human being…the lessons that he has to give SHOULD be taught in schools.

And I remember saying to him, I wonder what I would do if I had the same freedom that you have….his immediate response was ” you would change the world, one person at a time”. I had no words. None. It made just reflect on something….at what point do we stop being who we are, we dreamed of being, who we could have been and start being who society wants us to be?

Life is a matter of perspective. Here is a person who had it all, lost it all, and is rebuilding but yet is the richest, happiest person on earth. I have realized that it is not my life that needs to change but my perspective on life. I have everything in my life that I need to be happy. But in the search for more, in the want and need for more, I have stopped appreciating THIS moment. The here and the now.And yes, I do have the chance to change the world, one person at a time.. starts with my attitude to the here and now…..

Poignant Inspiration

I feel so alive, so renewed, so comfortable to bask in my own light….never in my life have I been so happy to just be ME. Never in my life have I been so content to just BE…..

The reason for my past happiness has quite simply been other people….it has never been me. It’s been my son, my family, my friends and the things these people have brought into my life. I woke up this morning realizing that I am amazing…I am everything that I need to be.

“You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop” – Rumi

Connection….

I know and I believe that the universe doesn’t always give you what you want….but it does always give you everything that you NEED. Every so often we meet people who say what we were thinking, coincidence and then we meet people who seem to be inside our heads….and that connection that there is more than just coincidence at play…

Yesterday whilst scrolling through some of a friend’s Facebook’s posts, I started chatting to him, because every single one of the pictures that he shared looked like they were meant for me…it seemed like there was an answer for all the questions that had been floating around in my head….and then he quotes Rumi to me not any quote but this one….

I had to stop everything that I was doing to take that in….because just MOMENTS earlier I had downloaded that picture. It gets more bizarre….there were two more quotes that he shared with me….

This happens to be my most favourite quote EVER…..it felt like he was reading my mind….

and then there was this

This is someone that I have not seen in 16 years….someone who I have not spoken to in years….and yet in a few moments I realize that the Universe does give you the answers you need….somehow….

Positive Energy

There is much to be said about positive energy…..there are people that radiate good vibes…..it’s almost like basking in the sunshine…..there energy levels lift your spirits and allow you to soar….and those are the people that I need in my life right now.

I believe that the Universe has lessons for all of us. A patient teacher….slowly carefully teaching as you would to a child….being consistent and repetitive…..when my son was little every time I held something out to him, I kept saying to him “and we say” until I didn’t have to ask for the “thank you” anymore. And I believe that the Universe is the same….we keep repeating the same scenario, the same mistakes until we realize that there is a better way….

All my life I have fell for the same “kind of guy”. Rough around the edges – but seemingly more beneath the surface. I have been hurt so many times in search of those fleeting glimpses of goodness that I sometimes see in their eyes. I have realized now, that is all that they are….little glimpses….there is nothing different that is hidden beneath the surface, waiting and wanting to shine through.

I have found my own light – and it is enough for me. It will not be dulled for those who choose to live their lives in the shadows…..I can no longer stop my own happiness to sympathize with someone else’s self pity…..

And because I can….this Rumi quote has spinning around in my head – and so I shall share it with you….

“The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere, They’re in each other all along”

And one more….

“And still after all this time the Sun has never said to the Earth “You owe me”…..Look what happens with love like that, IT LIGHTS UP THE SKY”………Rumi

Rules for Youth

I recently had the opportunity to see first hand the sugar coated bull shit that gets handed out as an education in school today. It’s no wonder we have people like Julius in parliament that all feel the world owes them something….guess what…it doesn’t….it’s called HARD WORK and it starts from the ground up. Stop blaming the Colonialists, stop blaming the Capitalists, and for the love of peace STOP BLAMING APARTHEID for your apathy and your lack of determination to MAKE A BETTER LIFE. Therefore, I believe that this excerpt should be drilled into kids at school at morning assembly, every day for twelve years….perhaps the result will be a generation that will actually work for a living…..

This list is the work of Charles J. Sykes, author of the 1996 book Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can’t Read, Write, Or Add. (would apply to kids in SA as well)

Rule No. 1:   Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teen-ager uses the phrase “It’s not fair” 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule No. 1.

Rule No. 2:   The real world won’t care as much about your self-esteem as much as your school does. It’ll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it’s not fair. (See Rule No. 1)

Rule No. 3:   Sorry, you won’t make $40,000 a year right out of high school. And you won’t be a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn’t have a Gap label.

Rule No. 4:   If you think your teacher is tough, wait ’til you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he’s not going to ask you how you feel about it.

Rule No. 5:   Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren’t embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.

Rule No. 6:   It’s not your parents’ fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of “It’s my life,” and “You’re not the boss of me,” and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you turn 18, it’s on your dime. Don’t whine about it, or you’ll sound like a baby boomer.

Rule No. 7:   Before you were born your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents’ generation, try delousing the closet in your bedroom.

Rule No. 8:   Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn’t. In some schools, they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. Failing grades have been abolished and class valedictorians scrapped, lest anyone’s feelings be hurt. Effort is as important as results. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. (See Rule No. 1, Rule No. 2 and Rule No. 4.)

Rule No. 9:   Life is not divided into semesters, and you don’t get summers off. Not even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don’t get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on. While we’re at it, very few jobs are interested in fostering your self-expression or helping you find yourself. Fewer still lead to self-realization. (See Rule No. 1 and Rule No. 2.)

Rule No. 10:   Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be as perky or pliable as Jennifer Aniston.

Rule No. 11:   Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.

Rule No. 12:   Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you’re out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That’s what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for “expressing yourself” with purple hair and/or pierced body parts.

Rule No. 13:   You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven’t seen one of your peers at room temperature lately.

Rule No. 14:   Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school’s a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you’ll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now. You’re welcome.